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Inside my head
“And… clutch down and brake to a stop,” MadFather says. “Brake to a stop,” he says again. “Um – brake, Billygean!” I finally stop the car just short of a fence. “Bit quicker next time?” he says. “It’s...
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Lets hope my examiner is an orangutan
“How was your lesson?” MindReader says as MadFather and I walk through the door. “Good!” I say. “We did third gear and roundabouts! Not together, though.” “No…” MindReader says. He is watching the...
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Almost there
I stand on the 15th floor of the building and look out over central Birmingham. I am in a weird kind of limbo at the moment, kind of on the 15th floor of a possible 50 myself: not REALLY sick, but not...
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My very first driving test
I allow myself a peek at the clock during my final manoeuvre. 14:59. I have been driving for 30 minutes. Only 8 left. I take a deep breath before I begin to turn the wheel. I haven’t made a single...
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My second ever driving test
The sun is setting, grey-pink, as our car ambles up the street. “Is this it?” MadFather says. He is indulging me. We are trying to find the school outside which I failed my driving test. “This is it,”...
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Wherein MadFather is right on the money
MadFather and I are driving, as ever. I have had more driving lessons than everybody in the world put together. Fact. I come off the big roundabout at our exit and check my mirrors. We are no longer...
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Third time…
I guess I have never done things by halves. Many people dispense with glandular fever in a month and get on with their lives. Many pass their driving test first or second time. Me? Well I’m in my third...
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Actually it was Bright Eyes
“Ah, Automatic For The People,” I say. “One of the best albums of all time.” For some reason, when we’re driving, I like to attempt to educate MindReader about music. Not that he isn’t educated, but,...
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Lawyers do car explosions
MindReader and I are zipping along the motorway. The sun isn’t quite shining, but it’s not grey and raining either. I put my feet up on the dashboard. We’re on our way to MindReader’s 30th birthday...
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